Have you ever had a conversation with someone whose eyes were constantly shifting, and
you wondered why they never looked directly at you? Wonder no more!
At a recent team-building excercise, I learned about VOPs, AOPs, and KOPs-so listen up
(If you're an AOP, that will be easy), because this information could help you fake your
way through any number of conversations.
Our team-building trainers taught us there are three communication styles: visual, auditory,
and kinesthetic. Unfortunately, we had to take a neurolinguistic communication profile
test to determine which style we were, but I'll save you the time by passing along
these secrets.
The visually-oriented person's (VOP) eyes will roll toward the top of their head when
they are deep in thought. And you thought your suitemate was just thinking about
lunch when he did that!
What he is really doing is focusing on a picture in his mind and trying to find the words
to explain it to you. You're supposed to try using words such as "observe," "picture,"
and "image" with VOPs (for example, "Picture me in the Bahamas, boss.")
As for the auditory-oriented people (AOP), their eyes will often look far off into the
distance whey you're talking to them. Words like "listen," "discuss," and "outspoken" appeal
to them. An AOP would rather listen to you than look at your full color Power Point
presentation.
The kinesthetic (or feelings) oriented person (KOP) will look down when speaking to you.
They are awash with feelings. Words like "cool," "touch," and "embrace" give them the
warm fuzzies. "Give me a hug" fits in here, although you may want to think of other ways
of dealing with KOPs at work. As an aside, KOP's eye movements to the left are often
associated with thoughts about the past, while movements to the right are thoughts about
the future.
So next time you have a conversation, check your partner's eyes and talk to them in their
special way. You'll both get a lot more out of it. If that fails, you can pick the
communication style neither of you uses so you'll at least be on common ground (although
there's always the chance that neither of you will know what you're talking about).
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