These lines are out of the OER (Officer Efficiency Reports --
performance appraisal for military officers):

Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together...

A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus...

A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on...

A prime candidate for natural deselection...

Bright as Alaska in December...

One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests...

Donated his brain to science before he was done using it...

Fell out of the family tree...

Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming...

Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it...

He's so dense light bends around him...

If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate...

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week...

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change...

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean...

It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm...

One neuron short of a synapse...

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled...

Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes...

Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby...

Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead...

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A door-to-door salesman rang the bell at a suburban home, and the door
was opened by a nine year old boy puffing on a long black cigar.

Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked the young man, "Is your
Mother home?"

The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet,
and asked, "What do you think?"

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SUBLIMINAL CORRESPONDENCE
____________________________

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and
$tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t
think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can
ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on

The Reply:
----------
Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy
are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do
NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble
task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

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