You have probably heard about the bad blood between chinese and Japanese,
so check this out. A Chinese tourist after long walk in one of very fancy clean
streets of Tokyo found himself needed a bathroom badly and after long search
could not find any, eventually could't resist and chose silent corner of
clean street to release himself of a irresistible pressure, once he just
started, a Japanese police approached him.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing here?"

Chinese: "Sorry. I have to "P"".

"No PP here..okay?Follow me...", japanese officer said and took him to a
beautiful garden near by that has lots of grasses, flowers and singing birds
around.
".... PP here..have a nice day", police said.

Chinese: "Oh sir ... that is very nice of you, is that Japanese courtesy?"

Police: "No... this is Chinese Embassy !!."

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An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction
site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian
guy, "You're in charge of sweeping," to the Irishman, "You're in charge
of shovelling," and to the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of supplies."
"Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent
in that pile." So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he
returns, the pile of sand is untouched.

He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian
replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge
of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him."

So then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the
Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him."

The foreman is really mad now, and storms off toward the pile of
sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out
from behind the pile of sand and yells 'SUPPLIES!'

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A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it
and the man verifies his ticket number. Our sardar says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a
million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19
years."

Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and
the rest during the next 19 years.

Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money!
If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

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Grasshopper walks into a bar & the bartender says, "Hey, did you know that
there's a drink named after you?" And the grasshopper replies, "Why would
anyone name a drink Bob?"

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A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer." The
receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week."

The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist
replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this
time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling
you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"

The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."

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Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. The first man
was an Engineer, the second an Accountant, the third man a Chemist, and
the fourth was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to
his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk,
took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and a
triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant
said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said "Slide Rule, do
your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a
dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do
better. He called his dog and said "Measure, do your stuff." Measure
got up, walked over to the refrigerator, took out a quart of milk, got a
10-ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces into the
glass without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three
men turned to the Government Worker and said "What can your dog do?" The
Government Worker called to his dog and said
"Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet,
ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually
assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while
doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,
put in for Worker's Compensation and went home on sick leave.

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons, when
suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of Indians.

They start to spur their horse forward, when they realized that there are
hundreds of Indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again,
see hundreds of Indians rising from the hill. They begin to back away in
the direction from which they had come and they realize they were
surrounded. The Indians had spread out and they were trapped.

The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says, "Tonto, my
friend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together, but
now I think we are doomed."

"We?" replied Tonto. "What's all this 'we' stupidness, Paleface?"

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A couple met at Myrtle Beach and fell in love. They were
discussing how they would continue their relationship after
their vacations were over. "It's only fair to warn you
Linda," he said, "I'm a golf nut. I live... eat... sleep...
and breathe golf." "Well......" Linda said, "since you're
being honest, so will I. I'm a hooker." "I see," he said
pensively. Then, with his face beaming he smiled and
continued to say... "It's probably because you're not
keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

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