A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on
display. While he was there another customer walked in and said to the
shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please."

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop,
and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash and handed it to the
customer, saying, "That will be $5,000." The customer paid and walked
out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was
a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars.
Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast,
tight code, no bugs, well worth it!"

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even
more expensive- $10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented
programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful
stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey
in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000.
She gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the
others put together! What on earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything,
but it says it's a consultant."

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A guy is driving around in his Porsche in the countryside. He stops
outside a field full of sheep, walks up to the shepherd and says,
"I've got an offer. I'll guess how many sheep you've got in this
field, and if I guess right, I get to take a sheep with me, and if I guess
wrong, you get my car."

The shepherd thinks he's on to a sure thing and agrees.

"137" says the driver.

"Stun me, you're right," says the shepherd and dutifully hands over a
sheep.

The man walks away, stuffs the sheep in his car, and is about to drive
away when the shepherd knocks on his window.

"I've got a proposal for you. If I can guess what you do for a living,
I get to take your car. If I'm wrong, you can have all my sheep."

"Done", says the driver, thinking of the things he could do with 137
sheep.

"You're a consultant," says the shepherd.

"Holy smokes, how did you guess?"

"Easy. You come in here uninvited, you tell me what I already know,
and then you charge me for it.

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