Our story takes place in Czechoslovakia, about 1970. There's a long-distance
passenger train chugging across the countryside, and in a 2nd class compartment there
are four people: a young Czech businessman, a young Russian soldier, a grandmotherly older
woman, and a pretty young Czech woman from a nearby village. They are all quite unacquainted
with one another, and so everyone sits rather uncomfortably silent, avoiding eye contact.
The old lady is wishing she had brought her knitting.

Abruptly the train goes into one of several long, dark tunnels in the foothills. It's
now pitch dark in the compartment.

Suddenly there are two sounds, quite loud and quite close together. First, a resounding
SMOOCH, about as loud as a kiss can get. Then, immediately following, an even more resounding
SMACK. Then a suspenseful (and dark) pause, until the train comes out of the tunnel again
into bright sunlight.

Everyone is still in their original seats. However, the Czech businessman has one very
pink cheek and the Russian is grinning like a dog.

This is what they are all thinking:

The old lady: I've really misjudged those modern girls--she defended her virtue from that
nasty city boy with true old fashioned spirit!

The Czech: Trust a Russian. He gets the kiss, I get the slap. What a life.

The young lady: Not that I'm vain, but why would either of these handsome young fellows
want to kiss that old lady instead of me?

The Russian: Well, it's been a good leave so far: I get to kiss my own hand and smack a Czech!