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A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined. The
priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing
happens.
He declares that he's been saved by divine intervention, so he's let go.
The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade.
He claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks
up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your
problem......"

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A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers he has wandered off course
and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man
down on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man on the ground says

"Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 10 feet above the ground."

"You must be an engineer" yells the balloonist.

"Yes I am" replies the man on the ground. "And how did you know that?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "what you told me is technically correct,
but of no use to me or anyone else."

"So you must be a manager" says the man on the ground.

"Why, yes I am" says the balloonist. "How did you know that?"

"Well" says the man on the ground, "you don't know where you are, or
where you are going, but you expect my immediate help." "And, you're in
the same position you were before we met, but now, it's my fault!"

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The pessimist sees the glass as half empty, the optimist sees the glass half
full...the engineer sees a glass that was designed too big.

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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend one's time with a wife or mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed spending time with his mistress, because of
the passion and the mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" the others asked.

"Yeah," said the engineer. If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you're spending time with the other, and you can
go the lab and get some work done.

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Two young men applied for an engineering position. The two
applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a
test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test both men
missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the second of
the two and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided
to give the job to the other final applicant.

The rejected applicant said, "And why would you be doing that? We
both got 9 questions correct. May I ask what made you decide to take
the other applicant given the same qualifications and the same scores
on the test?"

"We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the
question you missed," the officious manager insisted.

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
asked the rejected applicant.

"Simple, the other applicant answered, "I don't know" on question #5.
You put down, "Neither do I."

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