SPELLING REFORM
The European Commission has just announced an agreement that
English will be the official language of the EU - rather
than German (the other possibility). As part of the negotiations,
Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had
some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5-year phase-in of
new rules which would apply to the language and reclassify it as
EuroEnglish.

The agreed plan is as follows:

In year 1, the soft 'c' would be replaced by 's'.
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard 'c' will be replaced by 'k'. This should klear up
konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome 'ph' is replaced by 'f'. This will reduse
'fotograf' by 20%.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al
wil agree that the horible mes of the silent 'e's in the language is
disgrasful and they should eliminat them.

By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as
replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v' (saving mor keyboard spas).
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords
knotaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be applid to ozer
kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibil riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrirun vil find it
ezi to understand ech ozer ...

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!