How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
Why were shopping carts invented?
To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
Women are like guns...keep one around long enough and you're going to
shoot it.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them
apart.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.
How many women does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
"Always".
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months-I don't like to interrupt
her.
What do you called a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.