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To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot
and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you
must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband, while a man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.

A woman will always cherish the memory of the man
who wanted to marry her, a man, of the woman who
didn't.

There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman
- before marriage and after marriage.

Married men live longer than single men. But married
men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use in
two people remembering the same thing.

The Battle: A woman has the last word in any
argument. Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.

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Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the
only thing in life!!
* Anonymous
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Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
* Voltaire
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Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real
with the ideal never goes unpunished.
* Goethe
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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she
gets the more interested he is in her.
* Agatha Christie
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Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others.
* Oscar Wilde
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Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
* Scottish Proverb
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I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
* Sam Kinison
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It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only
seems longer.
* Anonymous
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A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
* Anonymous
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If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
* Chekhov
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Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't,
they'd be married too.
* H. L. Mencken
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Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later;
for another thing, they die earlier.
* H. L. Mencken
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A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle."
* U2
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"Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
bald and still think they are beautiful."
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When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
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How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
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Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.
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When a man is single, he's incomplete.
When he's married, he's finished.

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"A woman without a husband is like a dish without a spoon."

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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has,
you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I
am, I married the wrong man."

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in
every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married; and then it was too late."

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was stupid
when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in
love and didn't notice."

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a
millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never
get to prove it.

The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've
found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want
from me, sympathy?"

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful
house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow!, it was
all gone!" "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife "Martha, pack up
your things! I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I
pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care, just
so long as you're out of this house by noon!"

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out
with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that
as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the
house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In
fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he
wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a
moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half
to death."

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the
husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be
here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't
be here."

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
parachute.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."


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