A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson
about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a
glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm
first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm
in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed
painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor
asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded,
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

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Lil Johnny comes home so sad.

Dad: Hi Lil Johnny, my dear what's up?

Lil Johnny: I got an F in math

Dad: Why? 

Lil Johnny: I said 5 time 5 is 30 !

Dad: O no way it is 25, maximum it might reach 26!!! 

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Lil Johnny gets caught stealing the apples from his neighbor's apple tree.
The neighbor runs to Lil Johnny and yells at him "What are you doing?
Go and call your father right now!" Lil Johnny then looks up the tree
and says, "Dad come down...the neighbor wants to talk to you."



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Lil Johnny is sitting on a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for
half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to
him, takes the drink from Lil Johnny, and just drinks it all down. Lil Johnny
starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just
joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying." "
No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life.
First, I fall asleep, and I got late to my office. My boss, outrageous,
fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police say that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and
when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The
cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my
wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And
when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink
my poison."


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A new department store announced that it was going to give out free TVs
to the first 100 people who came to the store on its Grand Opening Day.
The store was scheduled to open at 9:00 am, but people were already camped
out in front of the store by 6:00 am, determined to receive their free TV.
When it was almost 9:00 am, Lil Johnny walked up to the front of the line,
and casually stepped in front of the first man in line, a big, burly
man who had been there since 6:00 am. The big guy wasn't about to let
Lil Johnny cut in front of him, so he pushed Lil Johnny out of his way with all of
his might! Lil Johnny got up, dusted himself off, and walked in front of the
big burly man a second time. Once again, he was pushed away by the big
man, yet he got up, dusted himself off again, and stepped between the big,
burly man and the door a third time! This kept happening until finally, a
policeman heard the noise and rushed over to hear what the fight was
about. "Well," said the big burly man, "I was here at the
front of the line since early this morning, and this young man had the
nerve to just push in front of me to the head of the line!" When
asked to tell his side of the story, Lil Johnny replied, "What that man
said is correct. I did push in front of him several times, and if he
keeps shoving me away, I'm not going to open the store!"


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One day Lil Johnny and his mom took a taxicab to go to his uncle's house. On
the way, Lil Johnny gets in a curious mood and starts asking questions. He
first says, "Mom, if dad was a dog and you were a cat, what would I
turn out to be?" The mom says, "Oh Lil Johnny, don't ask silly
questions" About five minutes passes by and Lil Johnny says " Mom,
if dad was a bear and you were a horse, then what would I turn out to be?
" The mom gets angry and yells " Lil Johnny, it's enough. Stop
being silly!" The mom tells the taxi driver to stop by a bakery on
the way and she gets out and tells Lil Johnny she'll be right back. The taxi
driver starts playing with Lil Johnny's head and asks, " Hey, Lil Johnny,
if your dad was a street bum and your mom was a prostitute, what do you
think you would turn out to be? " and Lil Johnny says, " A
taxi driver !!! "


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"I really worry that I shall never meet you at heaven Johnny," the teacher
said to whom is known as a very naughty student, Little Johnny.

"Oh, how come ?" Johnny replied, "What sin have you done, mam ?"

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Johnny : "Teacher, could anyone be punished for the thing that he'd never
                 done ?"

Teacher : "Of course not ! But why do you ask like that ?"

Johnny : "I did'nt do my homework, sir !"

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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying,

"Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

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